What am I Gonna Do with My Husband?!

STORY #1

Recently, Jarid shared a portion of the book he was reading called On Combat by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. Entertaining as it was for the kids, I thought I'd share.

"I was monitoring her class," the principal said, "as she stood up in front teaching her kindergartners. All of a sudden a mouse came running across the floor, hit the inside of her shoe, and ran up the inside of her slacks. When it reached her upper thigh area, she latched onto it with her hand over her slacks and started rolling around on the ground, screaming, 'Help me! Help me!'
The principal asked, "What was I supposed to do?! Was I supposed to pull her pants down in front of all those kids to get that mouse? All I knew was we had us one of those 'critical incidents' Colonel Grossman's talking about. So I got all the kids and we got the heck out of there. I sent some female teachers in to help her out, and then later on that afternoon we had one of those critical incident debriefings.
'You've got to do it,' the principal continued. 'It was nothing fancy. We just brought the counselor in, sat all the little Bubbas and Bubbalinas down, and said to the kids, 'Ya'll are fine. Here's the teacher, and she's fine. We sat there and talked our way through what happened. It was all going well until this one little Bubba stood up and said, with wide-eyed kindergarten innocence, 'Yah know, the most amazin' thang of all ta me, was how much water came out of that little mouse, when she squarshed it."
The moral of the story is that to wet your pants in a situation like this is a perfectly natural human response.

STORY #2

A few nights ago I'd cooked some whole green beans in chicken broth. YUM!
The following conversation ensued.
Julian asked me, "Mom, what's chicken broth?"
Dad quickly replied, "When chickens get boobies., they get chicken bras." (It's censored, for the pure. If you aren't, highlight it with your cursor and peer closely, cuz I couldn't change the background color. :)
Disapprovingly, I cried out, "JA-RID!"
He came back with "Okay. When chickens get older and more mature..."
Both Julian and Jarid started laughing hard. Apparently, we need to focus on enunciation.