Kid Cancer Humor Ü

It's been 4 years and 7 months, minus exactly one week, since Logan was first diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia on 11/11/03. Today he and Julian and Grandma Patty and I are going up to Primary's so Logan can get his last dose of Chemotherapy!!! It's a BIG day. I'll blog about it with some pictures/video afterward. But this morning, I thought I'd share some humor.

Disclosure: If you haven't been around kids with cancer and their families very much, you may find this scary and not one bit funny! But, I figure those of you who read this blog know us well enough to know that we've been living in a different world for the last few years. So here goes...

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A PARENT OF A KID WITH CANCER IF... (TOP 49 REASONS)
(I know that sounds like a lot of readng, but come-on! Some of these had me laughing out loud!!! Besides, the original list was 100 ways and I cut it down to the ones that we identified with the most. Ü)

1. Kids with hair look kind of strange to you.
2. You don't realize the Sharps container is on the kitchen table until half-way through dinner.
3. You enjoy the drive to the ER at 3:00am because there aren't amy other cars on the freeway.
4. You can name all the equipment used in the ER.
5. You can diagnose patients in the ER before the docs do.
6. You hear a truck backing up and you think it's the IV beeping.
7. You are so proud when your baby finally gets hair (and he is 6)!
8. You can manuever a double IV pole with six boxes and a kid riding, on a tour of the hospital, and make it back to the room before the low-battery alarm sounds and the kid has to pee.
9. The nurses stop responding to the IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway.
10. Your 2-year-old knows where all the medical equipment goes and how to use it.
11. You keep a bag packed at all times like you're 9 1/2 months pregnant.
12. You can eat with one hand while you hold the barf bucket with the other.
13. Your child's bedroom looks like a Toys-R-Us store.
14. You ask your CPA if bribe toys are tax deductible.
15. You correct the doctors spelling on the chemo meds.
16. You read the doctors prescription word for word and are asked to decipher it by the pharmicist.
17. You know medical terminology better than you family practitioner.
18. There are 4 new Mercedes in the doctor's parking lot due to your child's payments.
19. You have more meds in your cupboard than food.
20. You can read your son's chart better than his nurse.
21. You start teaching your daughter the parts of her body and she points to her chest and says it's her port.
22. None of the security guards on the pediatrics floor ask for your ID anymore and you're on first name basis with the Rapid Treatment Unit.
23. Medical students ask to borrow your notes.
24. You toddler refuses to sit on Santa's lap because he's too germy from all the other kids.
25. You wrap presents in packages with medical tape.
26. Your child is more familiar with CT scans and bone scan pictures than the portrait studio.
27. Your child uses legos to build MRI machines.
28. You don't have to ask, "What's that mean?" to the previous 27 items.
29. You know you are a friend of a family with child cancer when you call to check the chemo schedule and ask, "How will his counts be on, say, the 11th?" before you schedule a birthday party.
30. You have been asked by more than 25 friends and family members, "So when is the next reatment?"
31. Your 4-year-old's critique of the medical student's examination skills is the same as the physician's.
32. You think this list is really funny when most normal people either don't get it or start to cry.
33. When your 7-year-old starts to sound like Doogie Howser, MD.
34. When you walk down the hall in your house holding your baby and you feel odd because you aren't trailing an IV pole with the other hand.
35. When the siblings want to know what the child's counts are to see if they can go inside and eat at McDonalds.
36. Six months after intense therapy ends and the hair starts to grow back, someone in the grocery store stops you and asks, "I just love his/her haircut. Where did you get it done?"
37. When you send copies of this list to your cancer parent friends.
38. When your idea of funny is to ask, "Where's your line?" and then giggle while your toddler takes of his clothes looking for it even though you know it's just been removed.
39. You can reset the IV machines overnight in your sleep every 30 minutes without waking up once and still call it a good night's sleep.
40. You have a kid who did not wake up by 5:00am on Christmas morning.
41. Your kid takes more pills than you.
42. When your kid asks for a Happy Meal you don't say, "Wait until we get home to eat" rather, "Really?" (unless, of course, your kid is on steriods when you say, "A happy meal or a Super-Sized Value Meal?")
43. Your best friends buys you a relaxation tape for your birthday and you swear it doesn't work right.
44. You can not try aromatherapy for yourself because the smells trigger nausea in your kid.
45. The CK on your t-shirt stands for Chemo Kid, not Calvin Klein.
46. You draw smiley faces on your blue isolation masks.
47. Your kid has recieved enough get well cards to fuel a small bonfire.
48. Your kid receives so many toys at the hospital that at Christmas time you can open your own toy store.
49. Every little thing can make you cry in a heartbeat, but this list, on the other hand, has you rolling on the floor.